Ahhhh!!!! I have got some fantastic news that I am extremely excited to tell you about, but first a little back story. In my into on the home page I talked about having ups and downs since moving to Tennessee so I want to explain some of the downs...
When I first moved to Tennessee I was excited to be in a new place, recently engaged and ready to find a big girl job and plan a wedding. My fiance and I were living with his mom and stepdad in a small house about an hour from the school I worked at. It was cramped living and we had one bedroom for all of our stuff. I was 10 hours from my family and had none of my friends nearby. It was hard, but I thought that most the sadness and even anger were from living in a small house with 3 other people and being to far from home.
After a year of living with my fiance's family we got married and I, yes just me, bought our house. Let's make this easier and call my husband "S"... S's family and friends helped us movie into the house and get everything set up. A few weeks later my family came to visit and help put in more fence for my horses. My grandparents were even here and grandma was painting while grandpa was pounding fence post. This day should have been a red flag for me as S spent much of the day "running errands" to get cold drinks and what not, while my family worked their asses off for OUR house. Fast forward through the next year and a half and it was filled with me and my family making lots of improvements on the house and me trying to get S to do something other than work out and play video games.
I ended up catching S in some lies. I began to talk to a counselor and through a lot of hard work with her I realized that I deserved to be with someone who wanted to spend time with me. I came home from a trip to Michigan (alone as usual) and S was lying to me again. I told him to get out of my house (since I was the one who bought it and made all the payments). We talked on and off for a few months and I continued to talk with my counselor and finally made the decision to file for divorce.
So bring on one of the big downs. Now I am 10 hours from my family and living alone. Bring on the depression. I was sad and lonely and began to stay in bed more than I was out of it. I didn't even want to ride my horses which is something I love to do! I was still talking with my counselor and that is when she suggested that I talk to my doctor about starting an antidepressant. With some apprehension I talked to my doctor and began to take the meds. I don't like to take medicine if I don't have to.
As much as I didn't want to take the antidepressants, I must say they helped! I was feeling much more like myself and being more active. I was on them for a little less than a year and things were going great. I was finally feeling ok with being alone and being away from home. I was ready to go off of the antidepressants! Woohoo! Right?! Scratch that....
Big down number 2.... my grandpa who was like a dad to me (coming to all my sporting events, hauling my horses to barrel races, even walking me down the aisle at my wedding) was sick. They had no idea what was wrong, but he was confused and physically weak. It was all very scary considering how fast it all happened, just a few months earlier he was playing golf 2-3 times a week! I rushed home and spent almost every day last summer in the hospital. Helping grandma by driving her up there and then feeding and trying to talk with grandpa. He was such a strong man that it absolutely killed me and broke my heart to see him like this. He ended up passing away at the beginning of July. I was heartbroken and there went my chances of going of the antidepressants because this had just rocked my world and not in a good way.
I struggled through the rest of the summer crying on and off almost every day. School started again which was at least a small distraction. Then holiday times rolled around. It was getting harder and harder to be happy again. So now I've gone from being ready to stop taking antidepressants to actually needing to up the dose right before Christmas because I was struggling so much.
It is now 6 months later and and for the last 3 months I have been taking vitamins from Plexus! These products are so amazing at getting your gut healthy which makes your whole body work better. When your body is working better then your anxiety (which yes I have had too... I'm a mess haha!) and moods get better which is truly amazing. So much health is linked to your gut working properly I am truly amazed. So I've been on these products and I'm feeling more energetic, yay! I'm feeling more productive, yay! I'm feeling (here's the big one for me) HAPPIER! I've been feeling so much better that I actually went to my doctor Friday and got the ok to lower my antidepressant dosage back to the lowest dose!!!! I have to take that for a month and then if I'm still feeling better I can wean of them completely. Praise the Lord!!! I am so thankful to be feeling better and can share about it! Depression is real and many people think it a taboo subject to post about on social media or talk about. I want to share my story and journey so that maybe someone will see my posts and reach out and ask what I have done to overcome depression!