Today is a pretty shitty day in my book. Last year at this time I was driving to Michigan to say goodbye to one of, if not the BEST man who has been a part of my life. I am so thankful that I had the relationship with my Grandpa "Gramps" that I did.
I spent many summers working on the farm with him doing everything from tearing down old pig barns when I was young, to helping build a shed for my brother recently. I took many trips with him and my Grandma "Gram" throughout my childhood and even in college and once I moved and got a big girl job. When I was a kid, my mom, brother, and I went camping with my grandparents every summer! We used their trailer or we went with them... When I was in high school they even took their trailer down to Florida when I went with our softball team for spring break.
This picture is from one of my favorite trips. It was the summer after my best friend, Alyssa, and I graduated. We love to watch college softball and played in high school together. Gram and Gramps agreed to take us to the College World Series of Sotball in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. It was softball, softball, and more softball and we loved every minute of it. Alyssa and I stayed up late snickering in the bed next to Gram and Gramps because well.... we were 18 and everything is funny then right? Oh wait... we still giggle like this haha! Anyway we had an amazing trip watching softball and even got to go to the zoo on a day when the games were later. It is one of the best memories I have and this picture just fits Gramps so much. He loved life and lived it to the fullest. He supported me in everything I did and I am so thankful I had that solid male role model in my life.
Sometimes I think about how I feel that this was unfair. He had been healthy and playing golf just months before... why him... why then. I was just getting to a good place in my life and I lose one of the strongest people I know. I have spent many of my phone counseling sessions talking about just that. Why him? There is no good answer in my book, and I have struggled with that often in the past year. When I am thinking about this tho, I also think about how selfish that sounds... I know that I get to have my feelings and that it's okay to be upset, but it is still selfish on my part. I had so many good days, trips, and years... I have only touched on a few today, but I'm struggling to even write this much, but I needed to. So again, I had so many AMAZING and LOVING experiences with Gramps that it is selfish of me to constantly ask why.... There are so many people out there who have lost their children, mothers, fathers who are much younger than me or Gramps. They didn't even get a chance to spend that time with their loved ones. I had the time and even though I am extremely sad that I will not make anymore, I am so thankful for the time that I did have with him and that I did get to take so many trips with Gramps. I am also thankful for a strong family that I can talk to and count on and a very strong Grandma who has shown us all in the past year what strength is.